Let’s be honest, most of us have some pretty horrific iTunes purchases littering our iCloud, or whatever it is Apple wants us to use these days. For plenty of Millenials, our first real music purchase came on Apple’s esteemed music service. (Unless you were hip/old enough to try Napster, in which case… gold stars all around). With 99 Cents of Shame, we look back on some of those mystifying past purchases, attempt to see what appealed to our sixth-grade minds, and find where those wonderful bands are now.

Korn: Coming Undone (2006)

by Justin Enoch

The context: I don’t know if anybody remembers IMF channel 157, but from about 5th through 7th grade I would come home from school everyday, flip on the TV, and turn to the “International Music Feed.” They aired music videos nonstop, basically what MTV did in its prime before turning into the most interesting channel on television. My indie education was heavily influenced by IMF, but for every rocking song by Arcade Fire or Nine Inch Nails, you got a whole heap of complete and utter trash, more specifically Nu-metal. While the wikipedia page for Nu-metal has multiple paragraphs of genre characteristics, its most important characteristic is that it sucks; that’s where Korn comes in. 

Why I bought stole it: There is no reason that justifies having “Coming Undone” in your iTunes library. I guess it’s the least awful Korn song? Eh, maybe not. The lead singer is wearing a fucking kilt in the music video. Middle School was a ROUGH TIME. I think I impressed a lot of bros by having this on my iPod. On a side note, it’s impossible for me to separate the song and the video in my head. Here is the censored version (sadly, it is not a silent, black screen for 3:31): 

The song: If you’ve made it this far, I have to admit “Coming Undone” is somewhat of a guilty pleasure in the same way Dubstep satisfies some bestial need in me for DISTORTION and BASS. Bwwaaaa bwaaa yeeeaahh. These are guitar tones St. Vincent would kill for. That clapping sound paired with the snare hits? Yes, they make me lose my mind (aka come undone). I’m assuming Brian “Head” Welch, the band’s guitarist, had something to do with these cool tones, because he left right afterwards and then Korn really started to go downhill. Ha ha, gotcha – that was a joke. 

(pictured above) – Brian “Head” Welch doing what he does best

Where they are today: After years of turmoil following the departure of Brian “Head” Welch, Korn fumbled around in obscurity. I assume they did a lot of chillin’ and hanging around – they probably practiced Nu-metal in their rage bunker. You KNOW those amps were turned to 6 or 7, because, ouch, 8 is too loud man. Along the way, lead singer Jonathan Davis was diagnosed with idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura. It’s not nice to poke fun at others’ misfortune, but Idiopathic is the term I apply to every member of Korn (also a great Korn album name!). Sadly, the next album was untitled. GOD DAMN IT, KORN. Let’s fast forward a couple years to the return of our gallant hero, Brian “Head” Welch. It’s really not worth continuing because nothing about the band has changed since they were forged from the fires of Mount Doom. Let’s label this band under “AVOID AT ALL COSTS.”